


Jíhuǐ

by Broken_Clover



Category: BlazBlue
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Gift Fic, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:20:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22110190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broken_Clover/pseuds/Broken_Clover
Summary: Litchi is not an infallible, unshakable human being, no matter how much she wants to be.
Relationships: Arakune | Lotte "Roy" Carmine/Litchi Faye-Ling
Kudos: 5





	Jíhuǐ

**Author's Note:**

  * For [roylitchi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/roylitchi/gifts).



> Happy birthday, Roy! Sorry it's late

Litchi was so sure that she was over it. That everything was all said and done, and there wasn’t anything to concern herself with over anymore. She’d made it through everything relatively unscathed- hell, even better than she’d started, logically speaking, and everything was supposed to be fine.

Everything was fine-

Everything was fine-

Everything was fine-

The doctor took in another sharp gasp of breath, trying to force air into paralyzed lungs. Her chest ached and throbbed. It felt impossibly painful, yet utterly unreal at the same time. It felt like she was falling apart in a body that wasn’t even hers.

The porcelain shards of a plate laid broken and shattered on the floor around her. An oddly lucid part of her thoughts made it very clear to her that the sauce was going to stain the floorboards if she didn’t get to work cleaning it up soon, but she couldn’t force herself out of her tightly-curled position on the ground.

She didn’t know why she felt like this. Especially when it was so sudden. All she had been doing was preparing for dinner. It was supposed to be just a quiet, friendly gathering, with not too much to worry about. Roy had stepped out to entertain the guests, and it seemed like the noise hadn’t alerted them. Small miracles. She didn’t want anyone seeing her like this.

What was wrong? Everything just felt so overwhelming all at once. Litchi couldn’t process it all. She only knew that it terrified her, and she couldn’t stop herself. Tonight was supposed to be calm and relaxing, just a nice night with her partner and friends. She felt utterly mortified by the situation she’d found herself in, but it wasn’t enough to snap her out of it.

Somehow, she felt her heart racing even faster at the sound of footsteps and clicking, tapping out of sync with the rapid pulse that made the pain in her chest worsen.

“Litchi?” The clicking stopped. Even before the voice spoke up, she could tell it was Roy on the other side of the kitchen. “I just wanted to see if you needed help with dinner?”

Litchi wanted to tell him that everything was fine. That she didn’t need help. But she couldn’t get enough air to even attempt calmness.

“Litchi…?”

When Roy made his way around the island and spotted her, Litchi felt like dying. She’d never want anyone to see her like this, especially Roy. He was the one who had been through hell, trapped in a body that wasn’t his and struggling to get control of himself again, and here she was, a barely-restrained mess curled up by the kitchen cabinets.

Roy’s expression turned to worry and panic. He knelt down on the floor unmarked by the mess, crutches clattering against the wood as he dropped them to reach out to his fiance. “Litchi, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

She buried her face in her hands, feeling them immediately grow wet from tears. Of course he’d be worried immediately. It was foolish to assume anything else.

“Litchi?” An impossibly gentle hand cupped her cheek. “Please, talk to me. Does something hurt? Do I need to call someone in?”

It did hurt, but she knew it wasn’t something as easy as slapping a bandage over a cut. Litchi didn’t know what she would say even if she could talk properly.

A thought seemed to come to Roy, and he sighed a little. He took hold of one of her hands, squeezing it gently. “It’s gonna be okay, honey. Just let out what you need to. I can handle this.”

He turned his head towards the doorway leading out to the living area. “Hey, Amane, would you mind helping out real quick?”

Litchi somehow managed to wind herself up even tighter. Here she was, ruining everything. And now everyone was going to see her looking so pathetic. What was Roy doing?

“Carmine? Did something go wrong?” Bang’s too-loud voice boomed through the kitchen, followed soon after by his heavy footfalls. “Carmine?”

Roy managed to get back to his feet, dragging his crutches back up with him. “Hey. Litchi’s not feeling too good right now, d’ya think you can help me clean up and finish dinner?”

“Of course, darling, but what’s gone wrong?” Amane’s voice was lower and softer. He came just close enough to notice Litchi over the counter. “Oh, I see.”

“What is it?” Bang immediately sounded concerned. “Is something wrong with miss Litchi?”

“Nothing you need to worry about, dear. Won’t you be a sweetie and go find a dustpan?” 

“Dustpan? Uh, sure, whatever you say…” Despite his puzzled tone, Bang complied, and Litchi could hear him walking back towards the hallway. That was reassuring, if only slightly. The fewer who saw her now, the better.

“Carl, sweetie, do me a favor and find a sponge, please? Maybe some cleaner?”

“Oh, ah, we’ve got some over here-” Roy interjected, hobbling over to one of the higher shelves. Litchi caught sight of Carl’s cloak hovering by the counter edge, thankfully more engrossed in what Roy was looking for than for in her.

Meanwhile, Amane circled the other side of the counter with a calm expression. He gave Litchi a patient smile. 

“Leave this to me.”

She wasn’t entirely sure what he meant by that, but he made that at least partly clear as he got to work pulling things out of the cupboards and retrieving tools. In the process, she could make out water splashing and Roy’s encouraging voice guiding Carl along.

“I found the dustpan!” Bang announced brightly. The tip of a red scarf peeked out from a cabinet. 

“Very good, sweetheart, pass it here.” Amane barely paused from his kitchen preparation, using his scarf to grab the tool and carry it over. In exchange, he passed back a stack of plates. “Litchi needs her space right now, why don’t you go set the table for dinner?”

“What? Is Miss Litchi-”

“The best help you can offer right now is to give her some space to breathe. She doesn’t need to be crowded.” The dancer explained calmly. “Alright?”

She couldn’t see the man’s face, but she could make out an affirmative noise. “If that’s what Miss Litchi wants. I’ll go handle that.”

“Good, good. Now- ah, Carl, be careful when washing knives, keep the sharp end facing away from yourself. Roy, can you dice these for me while I mop?”

“Uh, sure, I can do that.” His crutches clicked over to the counter. “You sure you don’t want me to mop?”

“Darling, you’re on crutches. I appreciate the ambition, but I don’t want you falling and cutting up your pretty face. I’ve got this under control.”

“Thanks, I guess?”

“Think nothing of it.” Footsteps trailed around the counter, and Litchi saw Amane carrying a broom in one hand and a mop in one of his scarf-hands. “Getting a bit more air, dear? Ah- no, don’t answer that. Don’t even listen to me. Just focus on yourself.”

She wasn’t sure if she felt like talking, anyway. It was a little easier to breathe, but Litchi could still feel the dark dread clawing at the inside of her mind, refusing to let go even as the blood-freezing terror had started to warm over.

Instead, she watched the thin layers of pastel silk loop and coil. Even when cleaning, Amane had a rhythm to his movements, a sort of internal tempo to dance to. She was surprised that he’d been so willing to handle the dirtiest job, considering his obsessions with beauty and always making himself look perfect. But Amane seemed to have no trouble picking up the dirty ceramic shards, discarding them, and mopping up the spilled sauce.

“Ta-da! Perfect.” Amane nodded to himself, running one last sweep over the floor. With all the scrubbing he’d done, that spot shone brighter than the rest of the room. “Roy, have you finished dicing?”

“Yep, all done. Where do you want it?”

“Wok on the counter still looks warm, toss it right in. I’ll see what we can put in with it, does anyone have any allergies I should know about?”

Gradually, the kitchen became filled with the smell of meat and vegetables sizzling away. The atmosphere began to feel a little less strained and tense. Litchi let herself uncurl, slouching against the cabinets. Roy and Amane worked on dinner, Carl finished the dishes, and Bang greeted Tao and Linhua as they arrived, carefully instructing them to leave her alone while she needed space. She could even feel Lao Jiu lift one of his tiny paws to pat her on the head comfortingly.

It still felt a bit awkward when she was able to stand herself up and properly see what was going on around her. But nobody reacted to her appearance with anything more than a polite greeting and a smile. Roy left Amane with the stove and moved closer to her, still leaving some space in between them if she needed it.

“How are you feeling?”

“A bit worn out, but better than before.” She offered him a little smile.

His brow still creased with concern. “Want to go lie down? I’m sure nobody would mind if you needed some time to rest.”

“No, no, I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“I promise.” Litchi smiled, kissing his temple. She turned to Amane, still working the pot. “And thank you, Amane.”

“Think nothing of it, darling!” He put up a hand, smiling over his shoulder. “Dinner’s almost done, have a seat!”

“Hi, boobie lady!” Tao shouted across the table as she entered the dining room, emphatically waving a sleeve.

“Shh, Tao, remember what I said?” Bang waved her down, only sounding slightly less loud than normal. “Quiet voices.”

“Ah…” She looked completely lost for a moment, but eventually nodded. “Tao can be quiet.”

“It’s nice to see you again, Tao. Have you been keeping up with your studies?”

“Yeah-huh! Tao’s been studying real hard!”

“I’ve been studying hard too, miss Litchi!” Linhua piped up. “And I’ll keep studying hard until I’m a doctor, like you!”

“Food’s ready!” Roy called. He hobbled over to the seat next to Litchi, letting his crutches rest against the opposite wall. He gently squeezed Litchi’s hand under the table and sent her an inquisitive look. She responded by squeezing back, to show him she was alright.

“Here we are!” Amane was the last to sweep into the room, but he did the most dramatically. He carried the wok-full of stir-fry in his hands, with a pair of smaller, steaming pots trailing behind in a basket of scarf-fabric that defied gravity until it placed the dishes on the table and receded.

“I must ask though, miss Litchi…” Bang’s expression remained serious. “Is something wrong?”

Litchi felt herself withering under his gaze, but she tried not to show it. Even if she did feel better, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to talk about it. Not with him, at least. She understood that the man was just trying to be polite, but sometimes he could be more than a little prying.

She tried to think of a polite but firm way to respond. Before she could, though, Amane burst into a little chuckle, patting him on the back.

“Oh, no point in going on about that. Let’s eat!”

“YEAH!” Tao shouted, immediately leaning over the table to chow down.

Which in turn got Bang to jump out of his chair, pulling Tao back before she could shove her face right into the wok. In the bit of familiar chaos, Litchi caught Amane giving her a silent, conspiratorial wink.

_”Thank you,”_ she mouthed noiselessly.

_”Anytime, darling.“_

Because everything _was_ fine, wasn’t it? Fine wasn’t perfect, but even if the nightmares in the back of her mind resurfaced once in a while, Litchi knew she had people that she could rely on.


End file.
